Delusional States of Mind
by maplexsyrup
Summary: The pressure's getting to Lisi, and she thinks getting trashed is the cure for everything. Hilarity ensues with the arrival of a talking bunny, a famous band and some very naughty monkeys. RMFE. For Maddie.


**DISCLAIMER: _I don't own the Clique or any brands, products, games or songs mentioned in this story. Not even these fabulous prompts Maddie gave me._**

Delusional States of Mind

_For Maddie. I loves you!_

_

* * *

The phone rang, drowning out the click-clacking of keys on Lisi Harrison's computer._

"_Uh, hello?" she answered. It had been exactly one month and four days since she had set foot outside her house or spoken to anyone except her husband and her Chihuahua._

"_Hi Lisi. It's Brent, your publisher. How's the manuscript for the latest Clique book coming along?"_

"_Um, okay I guess." Pfft. Lisi had been writing and rewriting the latest chapter for eight days now._

"_That's good, because I have to change your deadline. We're looking for an October release instead of November."_

"_But that's crazy! Do I look like I'm from Moscow?"_

"_Uh, Lisi, the author files say you were born in Canada. Anyway, our recent surveys have shown that teenage girls don't want to wait that long to read the next book in the series. Look at Cecily von Whatsit, you know, that Gossip Girl writer. She writes three books a year!"_

"_But she has a team of ghostwriters! I can't write that fast on my own."_

"_Well, you better get started. October's not that far away…"_

_Lisi opened her liquor cabinet and grabbed a bottle of Bailey's._

Uh-oh! Watch out, Lisi. Unlike shopping, getting trashed is not the cure for everything.

--:--

"Ehmagawd, where am I?" Massie Block looked around. This was like no place she had ever seen. The sky was Tiffany-blue, the grass was lush and soft, and random pink bubbles were floating around.

All of a sudden, a skinny girl in a soccer uniform fell from the sky and landed beside her.

"Kristen! What are you doing here?"

"I have no idea! I went to go score a goal in soccer, slipped, and landed here. What do you think this place is?"

"I dunno," replied Massie, "Canada?"

"Canada has snow, dipshit," retorted Kristen.

"Hey, where are the other girls?" Massie always tried to change the subject when Kristen proved her wrong.

"Beats me." Kristen shrugged. "Call them."

"Kay." Massie pulled out her iPhone, shook it, and sighed. "Duh, Kristen. iPhones don't work in Canada." She reached deep into her purple Chloe bag and pulled out a gold LG Shine. "Good thing I have a spare."

When Claire, Alicia and Dylan picked up, Massie spoke.

"Girls, where the hell are you?"

"Uh... at the gym?" said Dylan. But the familiar _om nom nom _in the background told the girls she was eating.

"Kuh-laire and I are at Starbucks, waiting for _you,_" said Alicia.

"Well get your asses down here now!" yelled Massie.

Moments later, a blonde, a tan brunette and an enormous redhead fell from the sky. Claire and Alicia landed with soft _thump_s, but when Dylan landed the ground shook. She picked herself up and shoved another cookie into her mouth.

"Woah. How did you do that?" wondered Claire, "One minute we were sitting in Starbucks, the next we were falling through the sky!"

Massie tossed her hair over her shoulder, exposing her purple streak. "'Cause I'm the alpha."

All of a sudden, a pink bunny hopped over to the girls.

"WELCOME TO THE CANDY MEADOWS!"

"Huh?" All the girls stared at this mysterious talking bunny, who appeared to be clutching a Paul Frank sock monkey that was missing an arm.

"So if we aren't in Canada, what is this place?" asked Kristen.

The bunny smiled. "Merely a delusional state of mind… FULL OF CANDIES!"

"_That's the best kind of delusional state of mind!" _whispered Dylan, even though she couldn't see any candies anywhere.

"But seriously, you have to get out of this delusional state," warned the bunny, "else you might get trapped in here _forever_."

"Oh no!" gasped Massie, "But I have a date with Derrington tomorrow!"

"Puh-lease," scoffed Alicia, "I hardly think watching a soccer practice qualifies as a date."

Massie was about to retort when the bunny spoke again.

"My bunny friends are harmless, but beware the monkeys!" He/she/it clutched the one-armed sock monkey as if it was some crazy voodoo doll. "Now please excuse me as I celebrate my happiness. WHEEEEEEE!"

"That was so nawt helpful." accused Alicia. "I'm so getting my dad to sue that bunny."

_What the hell is ADD? My friends say I should act my age, What's my age again? What's my age again?_

"What is that _noise?_" said Massie. "Kuh-laire, is that actually your ringtone? Ew."

"Hello?" Claire flipped open her scratched Dial L for Loser phone. "Hey Chris! What's up?"

_It's Chris PLOVERT, _she mouthed.

"Ehmagawd!" Massie grabbed the phone and pressed End.

"What was that for?"

"Umm, wherever this Candy Meadows place is, it's far away. You'll get _insane_ roaming charges."

"Hello? He could have gotten us out of here! And I don't have his number in my phone, because my parents are too cheap to get me call display."

"It's fine, Kuh-laire. I have his number in my phone."

But when Massie went to grab her LG Shine, she found the phone parts scattered around Dylan, the 300 pound girl poised to take a chomp out of the battery.

"What?" said Dylan, "This is a crappy Candy Meadow. I can't find any candy!"

Massie sighed exasperatedly. "Does anyone have food?"

"I didn't bring my purse with me," said Alicia.

Claire opened her heart-print Roxy tote and looked inside. "All I have is my wallet, a Save Darfur sticker, a Warrior Cats book, and a Costco-size jug of maple syrup."

"That'll do." Massie handed the jug to Dylan, who immediately chugged it.

"Yum. Sticky."

"Oh my God!" screamed Kristen, "Look over there!"

_You're supposed to say 'Ehmagawd',_ muttered Massie under her breath.

Over on the far side of the meadow, a huge group of monkeys were stampeding towards them.

"RUN!" screamed Alicia, which was surprising because Alicia never ran. The girls ran towards the blue mountains in the distance, Kristen in the lead, Dylan waddling behind.

The girls had almost made it out of the meadow and into the forest when Massie stopped.

"Ooh, look! A basket full of Naughty Navy nail polish. That's my favourite kind!" She reached out to grab the basket.

"MASSIE, NO! IT'S A TRAP!" yelled Kristen, but it was too late. The ground opened up and the girls felt themselves falling again.

--:--

The girls landed in an underground cave. The dark room had a sitting area with couches, a stocked bar and a stage at one end.

"It looks like a bomb shelter," Kristen remarked.

"Hey! Who's in here?" Three men entered the room from a door the Pretty Committee hadn't seen and began setting up instruments on the stage.

"Oh-em-gee! It's Tom, Mark and Travis from Blink-182!" squealed Claire. She looked like she was going to pee her pants.

"What are you doing here?" asked Travis conversationally, "Our manager sends us here when we're too trashed to do interviews and stuff."

"Um, we're not really sure what's going on," said Alicia, "we just kind of ended up here."

"Sweet. Are you girls the 'Pretty Committee'?"

"Yeah, why?"

"The bunny left us something for you."

Tom and Mark walked over, carrying a tray that held a large cake with purple sparklers on it. When they set it down, the girls could see that it read '_Welcome to the Candy Meadows! Celebrate Your Happiness!' _in pink and orange icing.

"CAKE!" screamed Dylan, abandoning the bowl of peanuts on the bar.

"Quick! Do something or she'll burst!" yelled Massie. It was true. Dylan's body was puffing out in a weird way and it looked like she was about to explode.

Claire ran over to the cake, pulled the sparklers out, and stuck her face in.

"I hate you all!" sobbed Dylan, waddling as fast as she could towards the exit. "Shit." She was stuck in the doorway. Tom, Mark, Travis and Kristen ran over and pushed as hard as they could until she popped out the other side.

Claire stuck a finger in the mushy mess coating her face and licked it off.

"Mmm! Maple syrup."

"Wanna hear us play?" asked Tom, tuning his guitar.

"YES!" screamed Claire, still very much in Crazy Fangirl mode.

"_All the, small things  
true care, truth brings  
I'll take, one lift  
Your ride, best trip  
Always, I know  
You'll be, at my show  
watching, waiting  
commiserating  
Say it ain't so  
I will not go  
turn the lights off  
carry me home"_

--:--

"You know, I'm getting a little bit worried. Dylan hasn't come back yet." Kristen bit her lip.

"Probably 'cause she can't fit through the door." Massie laughed.

"Still. We should go look." They said goodbye to the band and walked outside.

"Hey!" A super-skinny redheaded girl ran up to them.

"Ehmagawd… Dylan?" Massie was incredulous. This girl couldn't weigh more than 105 pounds. "You look like the skinny fairy kissed you on both cheeks, beat you with the skinny stick, ran you over in her hot pink metallic stretch Hummer then backed up and hit you again!"

"Uh, yeah. Obviously." She rolled her eyes as if that was the most obvious conclusion in the world.

_Screech!_ A hot pink metallic stretch Hummer peeled around the corner, a tiny pink-haired woman behind the wheel.

"Get in, Dyl!" she yelled, "And bring your little friends too!"

A blue-eyed cat with silvery tabby fur held open the door for the girls.

"Hi!" a boy's voice called from inside the limo, "We're going back to Westchester. Want a ride?"

The stretch Hummer was filled with boys in soccer uniforms.

"Who are they?" Massie asked Dylan.

"That's Billy, Max, Chris, Ross, Taylor, Jake, Kai, Kyle, Kyler, Jacob, Connor and Tyler. They're on the Briarwood Tomahawks."

"How did we not know these boys existed?" Massie whispered to Claire.

"I don't know, but they're even cuter than Derrick, Josh and Cam!" she whispered back.

The Skinny Fairy turned on the radio and everyone sang along to Gimme More.

--:--

_Lisi woke up, the imprint of the computer keyboard on her face and Blink-182 drumming inside her head. _

'_Bomb shelter. Huh.' Lisi opened up Word and began to type. 'Ouch.' _

_Maybe she would get some Advil first.  
_

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REVIEW!

**and while you're at it, check out welcome to maddieland's RMFE, The Secret Order of the Alphas. it's made of awesome. :)**


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